Saturday, March 06, 2004

Feeding Time(Chichos)

For Joseph

You talked about them like they were separate from me and not attached firmly to my body. Well maybe firmly is the wrong word but that is not the point. The point is that you made them sound alive, like wild animals. You made them sound like they controlled me, had power over me. You made it seem like when I would ask for something I was only acting as a puppet for them.
"I'm hungry,"
"Aw time to feed the chichos?" This was when you would lean towards me and grab a roll from my stomach.
When we would sleep together I struggled to find a comfortable place next to you, beneath you, on top of you.
"Suck it in. Suck it in"
"Aw look at your chichos honey," This was when you would move your hand from my breast or my from my cunt and rub your hand on my stomach.
"My little Buddha"
You used to get mad at me when I didn't want to have sex with you.

"You would leave me if I got fat wouldn't you?" I asked you once.
"Well I work hard to keep myself looking good for you my younger girlfriend so I expect you to keep yourself up."
That's when I recognized my trophy status.

"He left her because she was fat" Ok you never actually said this when I told you my best friend got dumped by her boyfriend of eight years but I bet you thought it.

"You left me because you thought I was getting fat" I don't know what to believe anymore as to why you left me. First it was because you couldn't trust me. Then it was because I was too militantly Latina. Then it was because of some Mafioso shit you had gotten yourself entangled in because of your ex--girlfriend and you were going to lose your house and you had nothing to offer me. I remember a picture I saw once of your ex-girlfriend. I thought and still think she's ugly. But she's skinny, like in white girl skinny with no ass and no tits and no curves. You left me because you thought I was fat.

No other man I ever dated has done this to me and I have dated a lot of men. No other man I will date will do this to me and I will date a lot more men.

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