Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Finding the Fat Misfit

There is so much for me to write about. Thoughts, news, fears, revelations and sadness but for now I begin with this.

The other day the misfit..That's what I'm calling him for now. That's what he likes to think of himself as so I'll give it to him. I'm all about self identification. So the other day after delicious sweaty day before my 27th birthday sex and before he served me a lunch that he cooked for me(Peruvian food..Keeping it South American baby), he started talking about weight and his body...again. I asked if he would show me pictures. He once said that pictures were his proof that the fat misfit existed. I wanted to see the fat misfit that haunts the man I am totally into. I want to unwrap this thing and see it for all it is and then dissect it and find out how it was born. So he fingered through some photo albums that included pictures from him since he was a beautiful baby. As I watched him grow up through these photos I saw him realize that he was never fat. Someone, more than one someone had planted that in his brain and in that same brain his body grew. I witnessed him becoming shocked and sad with himself.

He asked me one late night if I would be shocked if he developed anorexia or bulemia. I told him frankly no.

This among other issues is affecting how we move forward and today on my birthday, for this reason I am sad for him, for myself, for us.



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