Thursday, May 06, 2004

Mami Has a Boyfriend

I didn't tell the MapucheRican that I was dating someone new, much less say I have a boyfriend but she saw me kissing his cheek in a picture and of course to a six year old people kissing in any way shape or form means they must be partners. She sees me giggling in front of the computer screen. She hears me giggling on my cell phone. She knows something is up even though she doesnt know with whom.

Over coffee yesterday my mother tells me that out of nowhere the MapucheRican brought up my ex.
She said she was mad at him for not coming around anymore,
I couldnt blame her. My ex would take us out to eat and slip her dollar bills for good grades or for reading a book exceptionally well, things that at the time I couldnt afford to do. He promised her fishing trips and other outings well beyond the range of my 7 day unlimited metrocard.
But she also mentioned you having a new boyfriend, my mother continued.
Shed seen me date creative types before. They rarely lasted long enough to be considered for a visit with my daughter.
He knows you have a daughter right? She asks.
He has a son mami, I divulge. My mom smiles. This obviously makes her feel better.

It never made her feel better knowing that the Dominican man I used to date/fuck had a son. He was too dark, too Latino. Maybe it was just the fact that I became pregnant when I was with him and had an abortion. She felt I was at my sluttiest when I was with him.

Have you met Mamis new boyfriend?my mother asks the MapucheRican. My mother has already met the man I am dating (note I am not calling him my boyfriend). Her needling my daughter for information about my love life is nothing new. It downright pisses me off however. I wish my mother would just ask me instead of making my child a spy. It makes me reluctant to introduce my daughter to anyone, not just men Im dating.
I have male friends that Im not fucking. Dont tell my mother that though. It would ruin her image of me.

I havent met him yet, my daughter responds,but were going to set up a meeting
I have never mentioned a meeting, not to the MapucheRican, not to the man Im dating.
It all seems a little too soon, especially given how angry my daughter still seems to be about my ex disappearing without as much as a goodbye to her.

The MapucheRican has never had a steady man around in her life. Her father has appeared twice briefly. He exists through emails and jpgs and Victor Jarra songs sung to her as lullabies and nostalgia for a country where she was conceived but has yet to know.
I wonder if she feels an absence, a void. I wonder if she gets jealous when I date. I wonder if maybe I worry more about these things then she does or ever will.

Additional Things: The following thoughts weren't going to be paraddingday's entry but I'm addding them on because they need to go in today. I usually spend time writing a little earoundbout a theme rolling wround in my head. These are just little extras.

This one is probably too much information but I'm really excited that I got my period today and not just because it means that I'm not pregnant and that my body is working the way it should. I get to use my keeper!!!!
I have been using those Instead cups for awhile but I like the idea of using something that's not going to contribute to the garbage of the earth. It was super easy to use.

I got the butterflies!!! Last night we met and when I met him at the door and we kissed I got that bubbly feeling in my tummy. Canvasfly.....how does that fit into your theory???

I will not watch the series finale of Friends...it is not high art as M. (carajo please give me a nickname for you!!!) and my sister have argued. It's pop culture. Much like Sex and the City, I can't understand a New York City without people of color. Ok yes I know that there are many white people that really don't have any poc friends. Ross dating two woc during the run of the show does not cut it for me. Those are not my friends. Anyway something that is so overhyped..as this finale is turns me off. I'll eventually watch it when it's out on DVD and Netflix gets around to sending it to me.

Speaking of movies, I saw Dirty Pretty Things the other night and thought it was well done.







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