Thursday, June 24, 2004

My Curse (or Stupid Married Boy returns)

Ok I know some of you are sick of me posting pictures. You want to know the dirt. I've been on a few dates with people I've met online ( I think the official count is 5). Some have been great, some just ok. None of them horrible. I will not be posting details of any of my dates here well because some of my dates may be reading this. ::waves hello::. I am taking this all very slowly and just really enjoying meeting new people. I do not want to repeat the mistakes of the past , of giving of myself too much early on because it feel right only to get my ass kicked (well dumped).

See I have this problem. I call it a curse. My exes: ex lovers, ex boyfriends, ex people I've dated always end up coming back into my life after the original relationship has ended. The more passionate and intense the relationship the more likely I will see them again. It especially seems to help if they have dumped me, leaving me on the brink if not pushing me over the edge of insanity.

For example, I returned from breakfast with my mother yesterday to find an email from SMB, Stupid Married Boy. Stupid Married Boy was a Puerto Rican/half from Dominica married man I made the mistake of having an affair with about four years ago. We met online ( ha no surprise there) and had our first in real date in a lesbian bar in the Lower East Side where there was an event for Vieques. He was political and beautiful and sexy. On another date we mutually decided that we weren't going to fight our natures and we were going to begin a relationship. That first day of having his mouth on mine was delicious and scary. I had become the other woman.

Of course he was in a miserable marriage. He said both he and his wife showed up drunk or hungover at the wedding. I think she may have been pregnant. She was from Laos and once when I saw a picture of her I got sick to my stomach because she was so gorgeous. He had two young children. A girl and a boy. He said he was going to leave her. He said he was in love with me. We said we were going to get married and start a life together. I planned on moving to New Jersey. The sex was incredible and so was he. He would pick me up for my birthday and whisk me away to bed and breakfasts upstate where we pretended we were married. We swore that the other would be the last person we would ever sleep with. We went to an IMF/World Bank protest together in DC. He came to poetry readings I did up in Washington Heights. It was perfect except that it was never supposed to be mine.

He would stay with me and leave in the middle of the night to go home. Or he would leave his home in the middle of the night to crawl into my bed. When we would drive through Jersey I remember ducking in my seat whenever he thought he saw his wife's car or the car of anyone else he knew. Once he left me sitting in the garage of his condo as he went to get something he forgot. His wife and children were upstairs and I was shaking from fear of being found out. He would sneak away to call me, even when he was on family vacations. Upon returning from one of those vacations he left his wife. His children were the same age my sister and I were when my father left my mother for another woman.

Naively I though we were going to live happily ever after . I got pregnant (the beginning of a nasty cycle of pregnancies from men who would leave me). He slept with a woman he met in a club and got an std (he tried to blame it on me).
He ended our relationship. I wanted to end my life. I did end up in the mental ward of a hospital.

I saw him a few times after that. We even fucked a few times after that. And then it faded to nothing. Last I heard he was getting married to another woman and I think she was pregnant (?). I may have made that last part up.

So yesterday there is an email from him and my stomach is in knots. I open the email and he wants to sit down and talk to me , maybe in a park, so that the kids can play since he has his children for the summer. Oh the irony. I respond asking what he wants to discuss after so many years. He says politics and activism, the same thing that got us talking so many years ago. He suggests next tuesday. I ask where and what time. I await a response.

The good part of my brain tells me to run away. That sleeping dogs should lie. That I have moved on and I shouldn't look back. The insane part of my brain wants to know if he's still as hot as when the relationship ended (damn he was hot, damn the sex was good). I want to know how his story ended. Is he happily married? Is he single? Did he have another kid?


Post a Comment

<< Home