Sunday, July 11, 2004

It's Not You, It's Me

Whenever I go out to meet people, I like others have to expose myself, my flaws and defects and damnit if I don't have enough. When my shortcomings start to show I am required, demanded, told to explain myself, sometimes to people I barely know. They will say it is out of concern for me, in an effort to understand me bettr but in the end it usually comes down to them. They felt manipulated. They felt disrespected. They felt used. They ,They , They.
They want an assurance that it was you not them.

It is me. I am insane. I have a bad habit of disapearing when I can't deal. Sometimes I will disapear into someone's bed, sometimes into a barm sometimes I will just roam around this beautiful city that is my foster home. I don't think about anyone when I do this, not my daughter, not my family, not whatever boyfriend I may have at the moment.

I've gotten better. I used to do it more often. I used to hurt myself more often. I used to be more self destructive. Yes I am certfied.

So yes it's not you. It really is me.

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