Tuesday, July 20, 2004

The Purpose of my Life

I love my Abuelita who lives in Carolina Puerto Rico because she is my abuelita. Dia de Reyes at her house was mixed bag. My entire family, myself included would go for the food. Abuelita makes alcapurias and piononos that are worth killing over. But the Three Kings always seemed to be at the bottom of their bags when they reached Rio Piedras. Under the Craftmatic adjustable bed that belonged to my grandfather 10 years earlier, before he died, where my sister, stepsister, her primito and I had left grass and water were gifts of socks and garfield underwear with captions like "Great Balls of Fire". We were all thoroughly unimpressed. Especially since the Three Kings had already left us awesome gifts and clothes at both my stepmother's sister's condo and their parent's house in Santurce. But what made it worse was the fact that at my grandmother's house The Three Kings seemed to turn into evangelicals. In between the socks and panties were always tiny inspirational books and notes about praying and giving your life to god.

Sadly because my grandmother is my father's mother and I am now estranged from my father, I don't speak to abuelita as much as I should. She tries to make me feel guilty about the fact that I decided to cut my father out of my life and well I don't feel the least bit guilty (sad sometimes but that's a different issue). But my grandmother and I still correspond. And she sends me little inspirational books with bible quotes and postcards talking about why god loves all mothers even slutty unmarried mothers like me.

Her latest gift to me was the book The Purpose Driven Life which is a New York Times best seller and from which I am supposed to read a chapter a day for 40 days. Shit Billy Graham wrote a blurb on the back cover!! But because my abuelita gave it to me and filled the inside cover with wishes and prayers for me to change my heathen ways I read the first chapter today which tells me it all starts with god. That what I want for my life doesn't matter , what god wants for my life is what matters.

Well god why the hell did you have to give me such bad fucking cramps today???


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