Sunday, August 15, 2004

Mala's Right to Choose

I received from the MapucheRican's father some pictures if his graduation from the university in Santiago. He had a nice suit on and was clean shaven, proudly posing for pictures with his credentials that will entitle him to a nice job. Maybe he'll pay me some money for the 7 years I've been raising our daughter.

I was reading this interview in Bookslut (because contrary to popular belief I read such things) and was quickly resentful of my position. I chose to have my daughter. When I told the MapucheRican's father that I was pregnant , he told me to return to the United States where abortion was legal. I did return to the United States but obviously I didn't have an abortion. I would have an abortion later in my life.

He, the Mapuche, el Chileno, his life would go on regardless of what I did. Because Chile has backwards marital and child support laws, the fact that we were never married makes the MapucheRican a "natural" child of his, unable to claim any benefits until she becomes of a certain age. By benefits I speak only in financial terms, because well the other stuff, she's tasted, in two visits her father has made to the United States. He got to complete his university studies uninterrupted. He got to date and fuck without worrying about childcare. He never was vomited on, cried on or woken up at 3 am by a little hand just to be told that he was loved.

No it's not all bad. MY daughter is a brilliant, well-adjusted, funny, soon to be seven year old. Hell the other night she wanted to discuss the Cuban Revolution. Damnit she is my child. She's sweet and yes it was my choice to have a child just like it has been my choice since then not to have others via birth control, abortions, and or no sex.

It just sucks how the burden usually falls on us , as women, yes we were given the power in our pussies...But none of these decisions we make are made in a vacuum. There are laws, and lovers, and loud ass religious protesters and so many things and people ready to point a finger, lay blame when we make these decisions.

I want to have another child eventually. I say I don't want to be a single mother again because of how hard it is, but then again you never know what I may decide. I chose single motherhood once already.


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