Friday, September 17, 2004

Ex-Cellent

If you haven't noticed I've been on an ex roll as of late. Kissing the misfit (bad move), dancing with the Marine (excorts rock), and yesterday into today the Colombian actor (please someone give me a nickname for him).

I was standing in my bathtub,by a tiny window, dressed cute but casually in a tank top and my ass flattering(not flatning)jeans looking for his car to pull up to my block. I was nervous. It had been three years since we last saw each other. I was crying, sobbing the last time I saw him. I wasn't nervous because I expected anything between us although I was thinking about it. Would he still think I was smart, attractive, sexy, etc etc.

We met on the sidewalk in front of my building. His hair needed a cut and he seemed shorter than I remembered but he was still beautiful. We hugged and just stared at each for awhile. As we walked to his car he thanked me for taking him to Hamlet so many years ago and said he was grateful to have me in his life. Sigh.

The entire car ride (omg is he a scary driver. Was he always a scary driver?) he stared at me (maybe that's why the ride was so scary). He smelled delicious but I was not going to just follow my desires and touch him or lean in and kiss him (look where that got me with another ex!). We talked about his acting because I wanted to know what I could see him in. He talked about an upcoming mini-series and some small film roles, so small that they cut .
" I want to be able to rent something , put it on for my friends and be able to point to you and say, ' I've had that'," I told him. He seemed uncomfortable. Damnit why did I have to make it sexual???

I took him to the spot where I had done a poetry gig a few weeks ago. We ordered beers and sat close in a comfy sofa. He apologized for not being able to accept the unconditional love I had given him three years ago and he expressed his fears that I would be angry at him. I was angry at him. I was sad. But not today, not for a while. The drama and the tears I had put behind me. Now we were e's having a drink.
Until he said I was beautiful, over and over again and leaned in and kissed me. It felt wonderful to be told , even in hindsight, that I wasn't obsessive and intense. No , he, was not able to accept my love. That's right it really was him, not me!! Ha!!!

He asked me when I was going to go to California to visit him (obviously I am in high demand on the West Coast) because he felt that he was on the verge of success and wanted to share that with me and help me. He said there was much for me to see and also that my powerful writing would be welcomed there. When we kissed again it was more passionate and a moan escaped from him. The rest of the night someone could have easily told us to get a room.

After two drinks, yes only two, we both wanted to be out of that place and alone together. As we left the actor took a purple votive holder from the table. Outside he presented it to me as a souvenir of our reencuentro before pressing me up a tree and telling me he wanted to make love to me. Did he also say he loved me? I had forgotten how verbose he can be to the point of losing the point.

By the time we got back to my place we were exhausted and ended up just falling asleep. Sometime later we woke up and did make love and yes that was as good as I remembered it too. There is something about having your name moaned in Spanish. Being kissed in Spanish. Cumming in Spanish.

I had forgotten how he snores softly.

I offered to make the actor breakfast. When we were dating he would make me arepas on the morning afters. He just accepted some juice and stayed a bed a while longer before getting ready to finally leave.

His mother is having a hard time dealing after her mission in the Congo (she works for the UN) and the actor will be with her the rest of the weekend until he leave early Monday. I had also forgotten that he is a big mamita's boy.

I've been smiling all day. I have had enormous patience with my child and my students. I have an interview tonight and then a concert.

I will not get swept away by this

I will not get swept away by this

I want to get swept away.

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