Friday, October 08, 2004

Should Have and Would Haves

I should have rehersed more today. I should be on my way to la Kueva. I should have been more specific when I dropped a note to the filmmaker saying I wanted to see him. But instead of doing any of those things, I find myself crying. Losing what I thought I had gained control over.

All it took was la Fea yelling at me because I wanted a quiet night in , and yes with the filmmaker, instead of making it three nights in a row with the same Latin rock crowd. All it took was the filmmaker to make up some excuse for not being able to see me to throw me deep into a wave that I feel stuck under.

The non-acceptance and lack of understanding on one hand and my feeling rejected on the other. Did I mention I decided to catch up with the rest of the mindless world and see the finale of Sex and the City? Ha ha . What a fucking joke. No one, and especially not a writer wearing 99 cent chanclas gets her Mr. Big. Being slapped by your boyfriend is never funny and white couples adopting Chinese baby presents way more issues than dollars a pair of Manolos cost.

The worse part is that , my best friend is pissed at me and the man I want to be with tonight thinks I'm crazy after I began crying on the phone. So I'll go lay in bed , with the phone that won't ring because tonight I am no longer expected or apparently wanted anywhere or by anyone.


Blogger claudia said...

i'm sorry. i'd come over with wine and ice-cream or whatever if i could.

10/09/2004 06:52:00 AM  

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