Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Beds, Birth Control, and Boyfriends

Just two things that I haven't had to discuss with a man in a while. Well ok maybe I have told a man within the last few months to put on a condom in bed but I haven't had the opportunity to pick out the bed or really discuss long term birth control and suddenly here I am on the phone having to think about long term birth control and being asked my opinion on beds.

He wants me to go on the pill. I was on the pill twice before. Kind of hated it for a number of reasons so I have to start looking at my other options. I'm a smoker and the pill is supposed to be bad for smokers. I am vain and horribly scared of gaining weight. And most importantly , the idea of filling my body with more chemicals and hormones doesn't thrill me. I admit to having been way careless with my fertility throughout my sexual life, so now I have a chance to do it right again, in a real relationship and it's kind of baffling. How ironic coming from a woman who has a child, has had a miscarriage, and an abortion. Ok obviously not that ironic huh?

El Cubano sends me a picture of a big ass bed he wants to get for the two of us. This is the fun part no? Thinking of things I will need for an apartment, like beds, and bookshelves ( I need lots of those) and a new bed for la MapucheRican and a desk for me because I will need space to write. Oh yeah this is way more fun then the hard reality of figuring out what about my attitude towards el Cubano's politics I need to be more mindful of, and how much money I need to save up to make the minimum monthly expenses of living out in LA. What do they say , that when you move somewhere new you should have a cushion of enough money to be able to live for a year? God I have to work my ass off.

But timing is everything and my mother, exarcerbated with my 24 year old sister's temper tantrums told me that she wants to sell the co-op in which we all live so that I better start making plans. Of course when I tell her I already am, she freaks out.
Ay sabes que even if this specific thing with el Cubano doesn't work (and I think it will) I need to get my ass in gear and make a truly independent life. My mother and sister and their triggering behavior are just bad for me and I've known it since well forever and sadly la MapucheRican knows it's bad too. So this is all a good kick in my Rican ass. Sucks that today , five days after leaving the West Coast, I had a break down . You must break down sometimes though to break through and that's what I'm going to do. I'm determined.

So now that I got el Cubano to admit in some way that yes this is a long distance relationship I also got him to admit that yes we are a couple. Boyfriend/girlfriend sounds high school. Lovers isn't profound enough and I sure as hell don't want to be someone's woman (too thugish and machista) we got something and that is more than good enough for me.

Mala's to do list:
Work and save lots and lots of money
Call la MapucheRican's zoned school in LA and find out transfer requirements
Start sending out resumes for LA school gigs and other types of gigs
Find places/connex in the poetry/performance scene in LA
Go to Dr. and figure out some sort of birth control
Figure out health insurance
figure out what I will take and what I will leave (how do I move 27 years of my life?)
tell my family I am planning on leaving
finalize itinerary for next month's tour of la con la nena
Plan holiday dinner that I will be cooking in LA
holiday shopping/gift giving

Holy shit I'm an adult.

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