Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Tsk Tsk So Judgemental

So maybe I take it all personally because it's about the man I love and want to be with. Or maybe it's because as a woman dealing with my own mental health issues I'm more sensitive to it, but I have heard from more people in the last few days how insane my decision to move to Cali. is. People like to pick apart what they have learned about my relationship with el Cubano rather than see the whole picture. For example:

Once a cheater/liar always a liar/cheater: Hmmmm ok. Maybe. Maybe not. Ay why I can't I believe that I am special enough to him that it won't happen. Carajo if I didn't trust people based on their track records, I wouldn't even talk to myself ok?

He's unstable: No more than me. Maybe we balance each other out?

You aren't thinking of your daughter: Oh but I am . More than most realize.

The other night my sister accused him of beating me because when I returned from LA I had bruises and even a bite mark on my arm. All I could do was give a little smirk and assure her that the marks were not acquired in any beating ::wink wink::

The only exception has been la Fea. Now we may not always make the best decisions for ourselves in terms of relationships but damn do we give each other good advice. This is because we have a full disclosure clause in our friendship. We tell each other everything....yes everything. She remembers when I met el Cubano and I thought he was kind of goofy but hot. She remembers my frustrations when we first dated and my epiphany when I found out I was la otra. She remembers me crying over him, when he stopped talking to me and when he moved away. She recognized how happy he made me.
Happier than anyone has made me. So gracias fea for watching the drama unfold and giving me an unbiased viewing audience.

It will not be easy. Hell nothing is...but el me hace bien....ay pero muy bien.

I stand by my decision to be with el Cubano so there :P


Blogger claudia said...

don't let it get to you, ok? you know what, i think some years ago i would have told you you are crazy to consider this, but then i did something similarly crazy for love (you've read the story) and it's working so far, and i've learnt something. honestly, i think what you need is a base of solid deep love, respect for each other, and the willingness to work through things. and it looks like you've got plenty of all that. sure you're going to run into problems and sure things are going to be hard at times, but it's always like this, no? if you want to avoid that, better not ever get into any kind of relationship. seems you're both clear about your individual mental health problems, and that you'll have to deal with that, and you're already preparing yourself. i mean, that's a lot more than most people have when they start a relationship, so really, that means you're better off than two "healthy" persons who just assume all's going to be fine all the time.
and you've always come across as a great mother, so anybody saying you're not taking care of the mapucherican is just an asshole. i would never doubt you in that.
and the trust issues, fine. i can see that this would be a deal-breaker to some people, and that's their right of course, but i really doesn't need to be one for you now. dh and i had a huge issue with a big ass lie of his, too, and we worked it out. because it was always worth it. people make mistakes, and sometimes they make really big mistakes and it still doesn't mean they're not worth it any longer. whether or not this is an issue is really alone for you to decide.
ok, end of novel.
besos, Yunape

12/07/2004 04:19:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't let other people influence a decision you feel so strongly about. Mental health issues aside, you're a strong person to have come as far as you have and you're certainly capable enough to weather (sp?) any future storms that may come up. As for your daughter, if she's got a happy mother then she'll be happy too! Go and have the time of your life in Cali. Just be sure to take some earthquake preparedness course or something! ;)

12/07/2004 04:51:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi. I've been a fan of your blog for a while but haven't ever commented. I really enjoy your blog in part because you remind me a lot of myself in a lot of ways. Alot of times we are going through the same issues. I say move to LA. Follow your dreams. You are a strong, smart woman and even if it doesn't work out with El Cubana, you will come out just fine. In fact, I'm planning on moving to LA but trying to get financially situated. Key words: Trying to. I also have a love affair with a moody artist, a filmaker. We had an on again/off again for 15 mos. and now try to give it a try again. But artists are so difficult, as you already know. I'm a model/actress but I'm not an artist like him :) Email me is you want to talk, Heidi

12/09/2004 12:39:00 PM  

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