Saturday, January 22, 2005

Fragments of a Deleted Post

I wrote a post yesterday about an ex of mine who recently got into contact with me via this blog. Now the purpose of this blog never has been as a billboard calling all ex's but has ended up being one of it's uses. Hell apparently it's how el Cubano kept up with what was happening with me when we were out of touch.

I waxed nostalgic about being 18 and in love and in the struggle. I wrote about making out in cafes in the west village and working security together at our first rallies. He had a long nickname for me. I had short nicknames for us both. It was sweet. I wrote about how it was seven years since we last had communicated. We sat in a restaurant in the village and I ws already pregnant with the MapucheRican. It was uncomfortable for us both, the ghost of a miscarriage still hovering between us.

The breakup was because of his mistrust of me, my mistrust of him, and his mother, whom I would run into after I had the MapcuheRican at rallies, rallies she had once hated. She would gush about his new girlfriend and how nice she was and pretty and pretty much better than me. Then behind my back she would tell people I organized with that I was a slut and a liar and recreate the history of my relationship with her son.

After seven years he is the ex I have gone the longest without hearing from. I wrote about hearing from him made me laugh and made me think about decisions I have made. I don'r regret any of the decisions I have made. They all happen for a reason. I believe in that.

I also believe people are placed in the path of our life for a reason. Some people keep reappearing. El Cubano has been the one reappearing the longest, even before either one of us knew it or knew each other. I believe that means something. I kmow he does too.

I didn't want to delete my post. I wanted only to delete some of the comments that followed my orginal post. Comments filled with misunderstanding and judgement and misinterpretation.

This blog has gotten me writing gigs and now it gets me into arguements with people I love. It is an extention of me and I think maybe, just maybe that is why people read it whether they love me, hate me, or miss me.

There is a blizzard approaching today. I mean that in more ways then people could imagine.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man,I know they say to respect your elders, but that ex's mom test that rule.
Heidi ;)

1/22/2005 09:37:00 PM  

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