Monday, April 11, 2005

Pre-Wedded Bliss

I'm sitting at my computer this morning contemplating a light green hand towel wrapped in a delicate fabric ribbon, sealed with a lavender faux flower. This was the souvenir from my friend's bridal shower in hipsterfied Williamsburg. La Fea says I can use it for the gym. Michael says it's a sex towel, the kind you find in motels that charge by the hour.

I am not anti-marriage. I think the idea is a beautiful thing. Two people declaring their lifelong commitment to each other in front of their community and sometimes god.
Of course it's a social invention, stemming from when marriage was about political alignments and a wife as another piece of property to add to the man's investment portfolio if you will. And I can't overlook the fact that legally only hetero peeps can marry. It is treated as a privilege. So obviously I am not pro-marriage either.

It is hard for me for me to be all "woo-hoo marriage" when Federal dollars are actually going into campaigns with slogans like "Married People Make Better Parents". One of the games in the bridal shower were open only to married women or to women who were going to be married. And maybe I'm cynical but I'm concerned about being expected to ooooh and ahhhhh at not just one but two dishracks.

I am like so many women, trained to think that marriage is the ultimate expression of my female identity, right up there with having a kid. As a Latina woman, even more so. But here I am 27, a single mother with that walk down the aisle nowhere in my sight. My family has given up on the idea of me ever getting married instead placing all their hopes on my 24 year old sister and her boyfriend of three years or so. My mother even gave my sister the book Closing the Deal. I am already too old (at 27) and damaged (as a single mother).

El Cubano was surprised last week when I told him I had a list. It is a list of how I would want my wedding to be, what I would register for, and how I would furnish my den of matrimony. I'm almost ashamed that progressive ole me would fall prey to such commercial mainstream bullshit.

la Fea and I sat at the bridal shower of a friend of ours from high school yesterday. Bean is the first in our circle to take the plunge and she may end up being the only one in our circle to take the plunge. I am not bitter or jealous. I am genuinely happy for her and her fiancee and wish them only the best. Personally at this point in my life I could take or leave marriage. And little by little, by myself or with someone I will check off the things on my list that will make my life better.

That doesn't include a green hand towel.


Blogger RHD said...

Sex towel! Bwahahaha!

I am like so many women, trained to think that marriage is the ultimate expression of my female identity, right up there with having a kid.

I always wonder who these traditionalists think we're marrying. Men, right? So why isn't it the ultimate expression of masculinity to get married? I've been baffled by this for years.

4/12/2005 08:21:00 PM  
Blogger ebony said...

Married people make better parents? As a married parent I had to laugh. Such ignorance. Being married has little to do with your parenting skills.

4/15/2005 12:06:00 PM  

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