Sunday, May 29, 2005

The Lamb of God Never Came or the Ceremony

Joy, whom I have never seen dressed up except in her mismatched legwarmers and other designs, looked absolutely beautiful coming down the aisle as Bean’s maid of honor. Fea and I, not sure about Bean’s taste, were pleased with the pink and white dresses she had chosen for her attendants. Joy even had makeup and her hair done all fancy.

Joy wasn’t stupid though. She looked straight ahead and Fea and I catcalled her from our pew. She pouted her lips indicating that she had heard us but she wasn’t going to give us any play.

Bean looked amazing. Classic. Her dress was strapless simple. Her hair pulled up and topped with a tiara and veil. Bean however wasn’t as wise as Joy and totally looked at Fea and I as we called to her in low whispers as she passed us. Bean tried to contain her giggles and ended up tripping, although not falling. Bean’s mother, who escorted her daughter down the aisle along with Bean’s father, shot me a nasty look.

The mass was all in Spanish and it was the long form mass, meaning it included the Eucharist. The priest officiating was related to Bean, and in fact had married her parents as well, which I thought was sweet. But it seemed like he hadn’t done a mass or wedding since then as the pauses between portions were two long and the pastor of the church on occasion had to point out where in the book the officiate had to read from next.

Now you would think that since he was a distant relative, he would get the name of the bride and groom right. I swear he called the bride Denise at one point and the grooms name was mispronounced the entire ceremony. (Note to Bean: this may be grounds for annulment later if things don’t work out).

The homily was too long and the priest asked us to pray for those married in the Christian Church (all other marriages apparently are cursed).

And there Fea and I were, Ready to kneel after the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world came to grant us peace (I actually remember all the parts of a Catholic mass despite years of trying to forget). Pero el cordero de Dios nunca llego. The Lamb of God never came to take away the sins or world; the priest just skipped a whole section of the mass. I said something under my breath to la Fea to the effect that we were all screwed and going to hell porque el cordero never came and we had to stifle what promised to be raucous laughter from out mouths.

For the actually ceremony, the bride and groom were hidden behind one of those church flags that say catchy slogans like “He Has Risen”. And we couldn’t hear a thing. The priest forgot the candle ceremony and they kind of just tacked it on at the end of the mass. The priest never presented the married couple nor did he say “you may kiss the bride”. Fea and I had worried about us crying at the wedding but to be honest we were so unclear as to what the hell was happening it was hard to be emotional about watching two of Bean’s fingers which was all I could see.
Bean and her now husband came to the center of the altar and gave each other a quick kiss on the mouth (Bean has always been really private and not prone to public displays of attention).

“Did you see me trip?” Bean asked us as she made her way down the aisle. We laughed in the affirmative.

Fea and I had to rush out of the church. The mass had started late and been too long and we hardly had any time to get back to la Fea’s to change into reception gear. We hurried to the back of the church where Bean and her hubby were greeting everyone. When Bean saw Fea and I she came forward, away from her husband, to give us what looked like a big hug and kiss.
“GET BACK NEXT TO YOUR HUSBAND!!!” The videographer yelled at Bean, ruining our emotional moment.
“Damn it’s like that” Fea and I commented before quickly congratulating the newlyweds and running out into the street where it was now raining heavily.

We changed out of our heels and back into our 99 cent chanclas and rushed to get to the la Fea’s for the next round.


Blogger RHD said...

Pero el cordero de Dios nunca llego.

We're going to hell in a handbasket for sure.

I thought my wedding was crazy, but this beats it. "Get back next to your husband!" indeed.

5/30/2005 05:10:00 PM  

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