Friday, May 27, 2005

Pre- Wedding Jitters II or Not the Marrying Kind

Weddings depress me. When I am with someone I love, they make me wonder if I will ever get to spend an insane amount of cash for one day out of my life. Seriously though I wonder will anyone ever be that sure and say, "yeah Mala, I want to be with you until I die or you do, whichever comes first.".

When I told my prima that I was going to a wedding she asked me if I wanted to get married. Now apart from the whole patriarchal power play that the institution is, I had to answer yes. She looked at me shocked.
" I don't ever see you as getting married," she told me. I am considered too independent, too wild, too crazy for anyone man to settle down with me or vice versa. I was also considered the least likely candidate for motherhood, by the way.
"I just can't picture you waiting for your hubby with dinner on the table at 6 pm."
"Neither can I!" I told her.

People still have this idea that the only women worthy of marriage or even long term relationships are those that totally submit themselves to a Donna Reed type of life.
That just pisses me off. It promotes this fucked up idea of what a woman should be.

So weddings depress me because I feel like I'm never going to have one. I was hoping at this wedding to have el Cubano with me so at least I could fantasize about having a wedding.

la Fea and I actually discussed , quite a few times, if we were going to stand up for the bouquet toss and then if we did get up if we were actually going to make an effort to catch it. Did we want to play into that single woman desperation? Did we want to be among those, holding their breaths and knocking others over just to catch a bunch of flowers because of what it was supposed to signify? Did us sitting out the bouquet show that we had given up on the hope of marriage or that we were so above and beyond the silliness of it all? Would letting the flowers fall at our feet be an act of rebellion or just show that deep down we were afraid that maybe we weren't ever going to be on the other end of that flower toss?

In the end there was no flower toss. So all that hand wringing was for nothing.

2 Comments:

Blogger endmill said...

enjoyed your recent post, and your thinking, at Sexytomatoes.

5/27/2005 01:20:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

At my brother's wedding I didn't even try to catch the bouqet (tho he wanted me to). Still, I got punched dead in the eye by a woman in her mid-forties *desperate* to catch it.

And six months later I was at City Hall getting hitched. Go figure.

Iris

5/28/2005 06:16:00 AM  

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