Thursday, July 21, 2005

Cyber masturbation

I think I have found the perfect answer to my long distance relationship blues. Well at least the sexual part of it. The High Joy Rabbit allows my man to get me off without being on me or in me. The High Joy Rabbit is the Rabbit Pearl vibe gone high tech. According to the website of my favorite toy store, "The controls for the strong vibration of the clit attachment and the swivel of the sturdy shaft appear as a tool bar online so your partner (or an anonymous subscriber in the highjoy.com chat room) runs the show."

If one of us doesn't move soon, I know exactly what I'm asking for as an anniversary gift.

Monday, July 18, 2005

Anticipation

In four days I will see my boyfriend for the first time in over 6 months. Yes 6 months.
El Cubano will be flying in, courtesy of moi, for a few days. I already threatened to hold him here against his will, thus making the decision on where we will live.

In all seriousness though not having a boyfriend around has made me lazy in some things. For example, I don't have to shave everyday. My nails are unpainted and a pedicure I've been wanting to get has gotten put off time after time. My eyebrows aren't overgrown but haven't seen a thread in months. I'm not a vain person so these things have never been a high priority. It feels awfully anti-feminist of me and so not progressive to be getting my hair , nails, and eyebrows done for my boyfriend even if I know that these things do make me feel better and pampered. Plus I get to use El Cubano's arrival as an excuse to throw out any ratty underwear I have and get some nice new ones.

El Cubano's arrival has me also cleaning like a madwoman. I have taken out more garbage today than I can ever remember taking out. Hell I even joined Flylady to organize myself some more (and yes because so many of my mami friends are doing it and I'm a jump off the bridge if all my friends are type of chica).

What has been most interesting in this waiting for el Cubano time period has been the reaction of everyone around me. I had to prep my sister since she doesn't get along with el Cubano. My best friend and I didn't speak for a number of days because she thinks El Cubano isn't trying hard enough on the relationship and using his illness as an excuse. Then there are the numerous comments and indirectas from other random friends and ex-lovers who swear el Cubano is the worse thing to happen to me since BPD.

Monday, July 11, 2005

Summer does not = Vacation

You know you all missed me. Remember when I wrote how I loved summer because of the heat, the sweat, the humidity and the cute clothes? Well this is the I hate being a poor single mother during the summer post. I haven't had a break since school has let out. My daughter, whom I love , talks non-stop on average for 15 hours a day. She was given homework but she is like my sister and the opposite of me, requiring someone to be up her ass to do her work. That someone is me. Whenever I think I am going to get an hour window to write (remember that Mala, writing, that thing you love to do) she stands next to my desk, breathing heavily, reading outloud every fucking word I type (oooooh mami you can't write the f word. That's a bad word). I'm not as horrible mother as I sound. We've been to bad movies ( Shark boy and Lavagirl and Madagascar). We've been to the beach ( I have a nice tan at least). We've been to bbq's.

Don't ask me what the gym looks like. Don't ask me what it feels like to go out with adults. Don't ask me what poetry sounds like coming from my mouth.

I thought I had found a little bit of salvation in a free "camp" program sponsored by the NYC Council which lasts all of three hours 4 days a week. It turns out that those are the exact hours my students want me to privately tutor them.

I am an angry , frustrated mami right now.

Is hope in sight?