Cleaning House

I will be making changes to this blog for the new year as I work to moving it as well (After March when the blog will be featured in a magazine-stay tuned for the details ).

I have also decided to clean out my phone/address book. It is filled with the names and addresses of ex boyfriends and amantes that serve no purpose except to cause a tiny pain in my chest when I see them. Mala's getting a new black book.

Mala Awards 2005- Best and Worst Continued

Best Sexual Performance of 2005
Well for half the year when I was getting some from my partner I will say el Cubano because he was that good. But all good things come to an end (or cum if you will) and apart from my half Cubano, half Colombian ex, Colombians continued to represent in this category with a a strong showing by el conquistador (so named because of his role playing a conquistador in a television show) and by the young tongue aka la lengua.

Worst Sex of 2005
Once again to protect the guilty I will not name names but it was too fast and too small.

Best Returning Performance of 2005 by a male
This is a tie split between my ex the former Marine who rode back into my life via bike and el Conquistador who made his annual visit to NYC worth both of our while.

to be continued.......

Blogging as a Weapon

There's a really good discussion happening over at Woman of Color Blog about blogging and the blogosphere as a tool for women of color/people of color organizing and the politics involved in that.

2005 Year in Review Continued

Favorite Spot to Hang
This is easy....D'antigua's on alternate Wednesday's of course. Fusion Atomica has their Tertulias where I get to drink, perform poetry, listen to other poets, writers and musicians and flirt. What more could a girl ask for?

The 2005 Mala List- Best and Worse

Ya se acaba el 2005- 2005 is almost gone. Since my life is devoid of parties right now and instead is devoted to Mami'ing , let's reflect and look back so that 2006 starts with a nice clean slate ready to be all dirtied up again.

Please feel free to add your own suggestions as Fabulosa Mujer did.

The Best Unsolved Mystery of 2005
Have You Seen Any of these two items?????




I lost both of these things this year. One of my vibrators and my (ex) boyfriend. Thankfully I didn't lose both at the same time. I just wish I had a box of boyfriends like I have a box of toys so that it wouldn't have sucked so much when el Cubano went *poof*. I still have no idea what happened to either missing party.

What's That Smell?

You know it was a good navidad when you come home and your clothes smell like pernil.

And Mala was hungover by the chimney with care

Wel not really. But Navidad isn't over. Someone invite me to have a drink with you!!!

It was a relatively low key noche buena. I trekked into Manhattan to take la MapucheRican to see the holiday windows and lights. We were singing Christmas songs in the street nauseating our fellow man. I shamelessly admit that I love the lights along Fifth Avenue at Christmas and the holiday windows. It's something that actually brings a tear to my eye. Don't get me wrong, as I looked at the Lord&Taylor windows (which are always my favorite) a voice in the back of my head said "You know there hasn't been one representation of a person of color in any of these holiday windows!" I shut that voice up by paying way too much for a hot pretzel.

The night was spent baking cookies for Santa and once la Mapu was asleep, putting together whatever toys needed to be put together (this included an 11 pm run to Rite Aid to buy batteries).

I resisted the urge perform the carol of the exes which is the sound of me dialing people I have the remotest feelings for cuz well navidad makes me feel kind of lonely. I did speak to two exes but one was returning a call he made to me and I missed and the other well, we still talk and hang out (no not like that).

I received my first official navidad wish, complete with a song in my honor (Mala) at 3:17 am. Yes the call woke me up but it was sweet and made me smile and laugh.

The presents have been open. La Mapu is pleased now it's on to abuela's house.

Alegre Vengo

It's Christmas Eve over here. I've decided to be a loca and go into Manhattan to take la MapucheRican to see the navidad lights and other madness. I think I'll also make some coquito later (RHD I'll let you know if my receta from memory works).

By the way ....when you took the subway or bus yesterday did you say anything to the transit workers. I did. It felt strange being back on the subway after the strike but it also felt good. I had a meeting in Loisaida that left a great um taste in my mouth . :)

I don't know how much I will be posting but just in case have a wonderful weekend regardless if you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, solitice or just not having to work.

Looks Like Strike May be Ending But is it Good for the Workers?

The media is reporting that the Union management is asking its workers to go back to work although the E-board has yet to officially vote in this move. A settlement on the contract itself still hasn't been reached though even on the big pension issue , which concerns me in terms of the workers and the sacrifice they have made so far.

Some workers who have had the privilege of staying home are actually not too pleased that they may have to show up at their offices tomorrow , right before the holidays.

Looks Like Strike May be Ending But is it Good for the Workers?

The media is reporting that the Union management is asking its workers to go back to work although the E-board has yet to officially vote in this move. A settlement on the contract itself still hasn't been reached though even on the big pension issue , which concerns me in terms of the workers and the sacrifice they have made so far.

Some workers who have had the privilege of staying home are actually not too pleased that they may have to show up at their offices tommorow , right before the holidays.

Child Friendly My Culo

Last night I went to my daughter's (public) school's winter concert. It was lovely. Three part harmonies, songs that expose the insanity of holiday shopping, songs in Russian and Yiddish (not one Kwanza song or song in Spanish though ) . Before the performance began the Principal stood up and said

If you have a small child that is crying, remove that child immediately. But we're child friendly.

Then as a baby gurgled in a seat in front of her she pulled the microphone away from her mouth and said,

See this is what I'm talking about . This is why we're going to have a problem.

Yeah super child friendly.

At the same concert I had the luck to sit next to the rudest woman , a mother of a classmate of my daughter who felt the need to make fun of the Russian and Yiddish songs and then called me "uptight" for not laughing with her. She also pointed out that there was a girl in the glee club who looked very much like me. Is that your daughter? She asked. I told her my only daughter was sitting next to her. Maybe your husband is fooling around? She asked. Now first off I don't have a husband and second, if I did why would a kid look like me if he was fooling around?

Child Friendly My Culo

Last night I went to my daughter's (public) school's winter concert. It was lovely. Three part harmonies, songs that expose the insanity of holiday shopping, songs in Russian and Yiddish (not one Kwanza song or song in Spanish though ) . Before the performance began the Principal stood up and said I

f you have a small child that is crying, remove that child immediately. But we're child friendly.

Then as a baby gurgled in a seat in front of her she pulled the microphone away from her mouth and said, S

ee this is what I'm talking about . This is why we're going to have a problem.

Yeah super child friendly.

At the same concert I had the luck to sit next to the rudest woman , a mother of a classmate of my daughter who felt the need to make fun of the Russian and Yiddish songs and then called me "uptight" for not laughing with her. She also pointed out that there was a girl in the glee club who looked very much like me. Is that your daughter? She asked. I told her my only daughter was sitting next to her. Maybe your husband is fooling around? She asked. Now first off I don't have a husband and second, if I did why would a kid look like me if he was fooling around?

Gee unbiased Much?

I shouldn't be surprised after all it was FOX news channel 5, but really don't ya think it's a little incendiary for the logo regarding the strike to read ILLEGAL TRANSIT STRIKE.

I mean when is the last time they put up a logo saying ILLEGAL POLICE BRUTALITY or um ILLEGAL SPYING BY U.S. GOVERNMENT? Hmmm?

I heart Roger Toussaint

He sounded fierce at his press conference not too long ago. He especially gets points for bringing up the issue of lack of maternity leave for female workers.

Oh and hello Wall Street Journal Readers

All This Time on My Hand = More blogging

Mira and will people stop asking me about what I'm doing for New Year's? I plan on going to sleep early. Seriously. Thinking about it makes me depressed. Today while channel surfing and avoiding all the anti-union media I stumble upon someone saying "LAX" and I almost burst into tears. So much for being over relationships. I'm still debating if I should call him (el Cubano) and leave a merry christmas message on his machine. I say leave a message because in his all our effort to lose me he never answers his phone. I should take that as a pretty fucking big hint anyway instead of dwelling in the past I need to focus on the now.

Oh yeah and what the fuck is up with partnered stay at home moms who have 3 people in the house helping them expecting me single work at home mom to to shit for them all the time? This is the bad thing about not having any huge projects on my plate. I think too much and get angry alot more.

She has the right idea

See what my girl over at Unfurnished Brooklyn has to say 'bout the strike. Don't they say NYC peeps walk the most anyway?

Strike Day 2 and Who's Afraid of Domestic Spying

Peeps are still hoofing it to work, riding their bikes , hopping in cars with friends and strangers alike because the TWU is still on strike. No one is complaining in this household although we are now figuring that this strike may very well run into Navidad and that means no subway to Abuela's house (and cabs are damn spendy).

Yesterday while my mom was waiting for her ride into the city in Forest Hills a striking worker ended up on a coffee shop line behind her.
"Please don't yell at me" the worker told her because apparently people in Forest Hills weren't being too understanding to workers on the picket line on 71st and Continental. My mom responded with a smile, "I'm not going to yell at you. No one wants this including you guys, just next time do it when it's not so damn cold!"

Oh and is anyone really buying Mayor Bloomie's walk across the Brooklyn Bridge? He doesn't even live in Brooklyn or Queens! Seriously.



Oh and really are people THAT surprised that the U.S. Government could be spying on you? I guess maybe since COINTELPRO targeted specific groups of people many people ere taking that shit for granted.

I'm working on by best of 2005 list aka the Mala Awards.

Wake Up, there's a strike

My sister stormed into my bedroom at three this morning.
"The strike is on, the strike is on, the strike is on" she yelled, repeating the words she saw scrolling on the bottom of the television screen. The city put it's contingency plans into effect. We put our own in. My mother walked a mile to get picked up by some co-workers so they could all drive into Manhattan. My sister got picked up by her boss. My daughter starts school later. The phone began ringing here at 6:30 am.
"Is there a strike?" people asked. Don't they listen to the radio, watch television?

I am disgusted at the City and MTA's response to the strike , not their contingency plan, but the constant focus on the illegality of the strike, of the constant trying to play city residents against transit workers. Aren't the transit workers city residents? Aren't some city residents transit workers? Is anyone else noticing who the majority of these workers are? And yes I am going there!

On the eve of a complete transit strike (maybe)

I have the privilege of a very short commute. It takes me all of 10 seconds to walk from my bed upon waking to my desk where I write, so the partial strike that began in my borough of Queens last night doesn't impact my routine. If there is a city-wide strike, as is being threatened , it still won't personally impact me too much. My mother will have to walk about a mile to the nearest Long Island Railroad stop. My sister will be picked up by co-workers or a cheese bus from the daycare where she works. La MapucheRican's school will start two hours later. But that doesn't mean that I don't care. In fact I rely on the subways to get me to performance gigs, visits to families and friends.

I think it's interesting how freaked out people get about the idea of a strike. The stress, people staying glued to the media , the anger some feel towards the workers that get them to work on a daily basis. In many ways it feels as if many NY'er's have forgotten the history of labor movements in la ciudad. In most Latin American countries strikes , huelgas, and paros are a powerful voice for workers.

No se. I need to spend some time to do a deeper analysis of the issues and share them here.

Show me Amor! Shameless appeal

I don't know how but the group blog I write for , VivirLatino, has been nominated for a Weblog Award in the category of best Latino, Caribbean, or South American blog. You have until 11:59 pm tonight (Eastern time) to vote (we are currently in last place oh by the way). Please note that in order to vote Macromedia Flash version 7 (or higher) is required.

To Vote for VivirLatino go here!

In the spirit of the season

This was in my email inbox a few days back:

"There will be no live Nativity Scene in Washington DC this year! The
Supreme Court has ruled there cannot be a Nativity Scene in Washington
DC this Christmas season.

This isn't for any religious reason, they simply
have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the Nation's
capitol. There was no problem however, finding enough asses to fill the
stable."

Mourning los Muertos

I am certain I will be accused of being heartless and being admonished for a perceived lack of tears for those Stanley "took" Williams was convicted of murdering. I am aware that he was convicted but you will have to excuse my lack of faith in the criminal (in)justice system in this country. Executions make me cry. They make me cry because of the enormous power differential they display. I cry for all those involved which includes every single one of us.

In the Company of Women

Ayer, I sat in a circle with other Latina women. I was the youngest. Everyone in the circle called me senorita, which always makes me laugh because that word, that title makes me think of virginity and white veils , something I will have no part of. The topic was non-violence but we were asked to recount and share personal experiences of violence. I was uncomfortable. It's not that I 'm shy. I have no problem opening my mouth to talk about the attempted rape by an ex-boyfriend, my mother beating me with a belt, chancleta or whatever else was handy, about my sister pulling knives on my mother and me, about the violence I have committed against myself, about the time el Cubano slapped me when I was going down on him in the shower, about being arrested, about the violence I feel in being here when I don't belong here and how now because of war and occupation I really don't belong anywhere. See? That wasn't hard at all. In fact it was probably harder for you to read. I was uncomfortable because I didn't feel connected to these women. Women who complained that to them violence was having to do the laundry when they didn't feel like it, or how they felt abused when their spouses raised the volume on the television.

I was told I needed therapy by a psychologist who was sitting in the group. That was their response to my history of personal and political violence (same thing really). As soon as I saw an opportunity to slip away, I did, saying I had to use the bathroom. I peed, ordered myself a glass of red wine and smoked a cigarette and never returned to that circle.

Translucent

I am the one you begin to introduce but then never do because someone else more interesting or perhaps more important came along. I am the one left , forgotten, waiting with pen in hand as you went to smoke a cigarette and make plans for the rest of the night. Plans of wine and cigarettes and yerba santa, plans I cannot be a part of because I am playing the role of mother tonight, tomorrow and the day after that. My maternity isolates me.

I am the one you told that you thought of coming by to see me but the thought ended up just being that, a thought.

When asked of my plans and I respond that I have to recite a poem somewhere, you ask about her, not about the where, the what or why. You ask in a way that judges my balancing act of roles. Mami. Poeta. Puta. Mami. Poeta . Puta.

Then you wonder why I say my support system is non-existent.

I'm only slightly worth remembering.

Come in from the cold and hear and read Stories of the Cold

Wednesday night I alternated between standing in the cold smoking cigarettes with friends and standing inside and waxing poetic about my last sexual encounters and an attempted sexual assault that happened when I came home from the cold in February of 2001. But now the snow has stopped falling and the sun is shining, leaving me plodding through squishy dark slush puddles in my shiny waterproof boots.

This evening put on your shiny boots and slosh through what is left of the latest storm and head towards la Libreria Lectorum for the presentation of the book at 6 pm by el Poeta himself, Ricardo Leon Pena Villa, Loisaida, Historias del Fri­o.

Mornings After

Morning after a tertulia are tough. I'm always at least slightly hungover but exhausted more than anything else. I usually fall asleep with my make up on. These are the mornings I wish for someone else to tale over the routine of making breakfast, packing lunch, and taking la MapucheRican to school. In fact this morning a woman in my building asked me to taker her daughter to school because she had hardly slept. Yeah well join the club. Of course I didn't say that but sometimes I'm irritated that coupled mom who has additional help at home expects me, single mami to always do little things that well she can do!!!

Regardless it was great tertulia last night at D'Antigua. I had a wonderful time talking, drinking, laughing, and smoking with friends and I even got to air my dirty laundry on stage. I wish I had pictures but my camera is currently in someone else's hands.

Do You Know What Tonight Is?

It's Tertulia night at D'Antigua. Beginning at 9:30ish at 84-16 Northern Blvd Jackson Heights Fusion Atomica has their showcase of the best Latino poets, musicians, and artists. The atmosphere promises to be thought provoking and fun and you will be in good company if you come through.

Advice from vecinos

I expect feedback, opinions, advice and hell even some insults here. I live parts of my life publicly here. I do not ask for or expect unsolicited advice from the downstairs neighbor say when I'm going to get my morning coffee. She's a lovely mujer really. Always passing me bad paperback books that I don't have the heart to say are well bad. She gives me costume jewelry and sample size facial products. She sends up little boberias for la MapucheRican.She compliments or criticises my hair
"You are so pretty. Why do you ruin yourself with such ugly pink hair color!" She'll yell at me in her heavy Russian accent.

The other morning I ran into her by the mailboxes.
"What happened that you don't have a boyfriend?" She asks me loudly making sure the whole building knows I'm single. And what does she mean what happened? Like what's wrong with me what happened or what happened to el cubano or any of the other men I've seen you with?

"I don't know," I shrug meekly. I haven't had coffee yet remember? I couldn't think of a witty comeback. Anyway I'm too nice even with coffee.

"I have just the thing. I will give you a Feng Shui book. It changed my life. 8 years I've been married to an American man. Who would have thought? I wasn't channeling my elements correctly before. You need to know your element so you can arrange everything accordingly." She tells me all this in a motherly tone. Somewhere between concerned and disgusted.

"Yeah ok. I'll read the book" I tell her. "Give it to me another time. I have to run"

"Yes go but come get the book. I am fire. He is fire. Together we burn strong"

I say goodbye and smile before walking away and no I haven't stopped by to get that book.

Reaction to the first snowfall

La Mala : Fuck! There's snow.

La MapucheRican: Mami! Mami! It snowed!!! Christmas came early this week!!! Can you make me some bacon?

Aventuras in Online Flirting

Between writing and mami'ing I have been flirting online and carajo I forgot the energy and time it takes. Most of it has been uneventful with the usual opening line of "How Mala are you?" or " For being Mala you look pretty good".

Ah ha. ::yawn::

There was one guy who quoted a Mexican anarchist and who says he wrote a book on Mexican anarchism. That was pretty hot but that's as far as it got.

My real life flirtations haven't been any more exciting. I have standing invitations from two former lovers that I am holding off on. I called a former lover that I stumbled upon online. I'm not looking for anything more at this point than someone to see a movie with. Really. I almost made it out the door with the former Marine for a movie, until I double checked the movie time he told me and realized there we no 11:15 showing at the closest theatre.

So like a good little Mala I went to bed at a decent hour.

Wake the sleeping dogs

Remember when I said something about letting sleeping dogs lie? Well as fate would have it sleeping dogs are waking up all over the place! Former lovers or whatever you want to label them, are appearing everywhere. And well if you've been reading you can certainly figure out what's gonna come next.

Realizations of a Self-Proclaimed Puta

As I tiptoe into the world of flirting, (yes I am fully aware that having sex with a young artist hardly qualifies as tiptoeing, but hey I work backwards sometimes), I have made some stunning revelations.

1. It remains a small small mundo, even in a ciudad as big and populated as New York City. A former lover of mine with whom I communicated with yesterday informed me that a friend of his is currently with a another former lover of mine.

2. It had been two years since I last communicated with the former lover with whom I communicated with yesterday. We chit-chatted and caught up but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember his name.

Hoy: Remember

Today is World AIDS Day. The Latino Commission on AIDS is sponsoring a memorial service tonight.