Monday, March 27, 2006

So You Want to Date A Single Mami

Congratulations! You are the proud new co-owner of a relationship with a single mami.
Dating is complicated enough with its unspoken (and certainly unwritten) rules and subcontexts. Well it's about to get more complicated. But don't let this fact scare you. Single mamis, especially artsy politically outspoken sex positive mamis, are wonderful people to be in relationships with. They are smart and responsible and truly enjoy spending their time with you. They don't demand too much. They are often just happy engaging in intelligent adult conversation although they love a good night out that can include but certainly isn't limited to poetry readings, dancing, drinking, dinner and of course sex. There are however a few basics that you need to become acquainted with in order to make your relationship with a single mami the best it relationship it can be.

1. A single mami's time is limited. She's not just dividing her time between you and mami'hood. Mamihood is hard work on its own. Single motherhood involves the mami working to support herself and her child (or children). Balancing all these factors can be hard. Understanding that means that the single mami cannot always be available when you want her to be. Even when the regular workday is done for you, she's at home making sure homework is done, food is eaten, baths are taken and bedtime is observed. Don't take it personally. It's not about you. In fact you need to accept that you will not be the number one priority. Her child is. It's not that she doesn't want to spend time with you . It's that sometimes she can't. Throwing in her face that she's never available before a certain time or asking how her past partners dealt with this are not recommended. They will make the single mother wonder if she should give you any time at all and generally make her feel shitty. If you want to be in a relationship with a single mami, be understanding and sympathetic. Not complainy and whiney. The single mother wants a relationship with an adult, not another child to appease.

2. If you make plans with the single mami. Stick to them . Don't be late or cancel at the last minute if you can help it. This goes along with #1. Since the single mami's time is limited, if she has set time aside to be with you, that means she has secured babysitting. If you do have to change plans or cancel , do so as soon as you can. Single mamis hate being left waiting with all their makeup on with the sitter and child.

3. Children get sick. This means that sometimes the single mami may have to cancel plans at the last minute or may be late because she's cleaning up vomit from her kids with the sudden stomach bug. No it's not fair pero it is what it is.

4. Don't assume. Don't assume that because the single mother lives with her family that that means that she has on-call babysitting services. Don't assume that if you invite your single mami to a weekend getaway or a month long jaunt in Spain that her family will take care of her child for that time. Maybe her family isn't supportive of her dating. Maybe everyone in the household works. This goes for your friends too. Educate them as to the realities of single mamihood so that they don't make her feel shitty at dinner parties when they shake their heads in disbelief that she didn't accept your offer to run off traveling with you.

5. It's a Family Affair. Love the single mami. Love her child. This means that you will not have exclusive rights. Expect that watching a video at home with your single mami may mean watching a cheesy kid flick and not the latest art house flick on DVD. Expect that day outings may have to include child friendly activities. Don't suck your teeth or complain that you never get to see just her during the day.

6. Single mamihood doesn't always mean there is a weekend visit from papi. Some single mamis don't have their baby daddy in the picture. Some daddies don't come and take the children away on weekends and alternate holidays. Sometimes it's just the single mami.

7. Don't complain about the lack of sleepovers. Trust me. The single mami would love to wake up with you after a night of making love or wild fucking. She would love that post sex morning after breakfast followed by more sex but she usually has to be home before the sun rises to make breakfast and send her child off to school.

If you remember these simple things then you are well on your way to developing a beautiful something with your single mami. If you can't (or don't want to) you may be missing out on something and someone wonderful.


Blogger MsAbcMom said...

I think that you spoke well for all of us single mami's!

3/28/2006 12:11:00 PM  
Blogger Ms.Maegan said...

Now I need to get all these things through to the guy I'm dating!!!

Ha ha ..gracias

3/28/2006 12:14:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

very well written out. if only most guys would have this mini manual from the get, i guess that would increase the succes rates. so word up!!!

3/28/2006 01:00:00 PM  
Blogger Ms.Maegan said...

I may make it a pamphlet and start handing it out on first dates.

3/28/2006 01:12:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what about on a 3 year later date?

3/28/2006 02:47:00 PM  
Blogger Ms.Maegan said...

::giggle:: I don't think you ever needed that pamphlet babe or wait are you asking me out? On my blog????

3/28/2006 02:53:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

actually yes!!!
i leave for mexico on saturday but i'll be back on tuesday so maybe dinner next week? your reader would luv this.

3/28/2006 03:24:00 PM  
Blogger MsAbcMom said...

Man! So that is how I need to find a about it!


3/28/2006 08:38:00 PM  
Blogger Debra said...

No kidding! Mala, who is this guy? Where do we find more of them? lol

3/29/2006 04:39:00 AM  
Blogger Ms.Maegan said...

Yeah , who are you F? Ha ha!

3/29/2006 08:44:00 AM  
Blogger rabfish said...

what a great post

3/30/2006 08:27:00 PM  
Anonymous Latino Pundit said...

make sure he signs

3/31/2006 01:15:00 PM  
Blogger fiercelyfab said...

love it...makes me want to create one for extended family and friends.

Umm if I have a kid on my lap and you're hungry...please warm up your own tortilla, when done with your dish after I've served your ass with a kid on my hip...please wash your dish...

4/01/2006 02:07:00 AM  
Blogger Luis Henao said...

I love when Mala talks about people I know. :D

4/16/2006 02:04:00 PM  

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